sigh. i hate this. i'm so miserable. i keep running from one place to another. people are astounded by how full my schedule is. i mean, fine. a lot of it was my own choice, but puh-leeze. it's rather annoying that no one understands. today a senior called called. it got me started. i didn't know how i'd address him. i picked up the phone and guess what? it turned out to be about telling me that i didn't make it as a councillor. i hate myself. and my dad was like, go ask em what's wrong why don't you? and make a bigger laughing stock of myself? yeah right. btw, i'm so totally over him. not a chance. i mean. yeah. definately not a chance. well a tiny one. look, i liked him a while ago a lot and then it wore out. and the thing is it wore off. then came back like an anvil from the sky. then wore off again. nothing big. except my first crush. or maybe im just plain nuts. anyway, i'm going to america soon. with my dad. it'll be so friggin cool. for a while. but i'll be back soon. i wish not. anyway, good nite to me and my confused self. good night everyone.
lets believe togetther[6:02 AM]
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alright. as i was saying. im feeling so depressed today. so much for feeling better. i swear. anyway, i came up with a topic for thought today. what is sunlight? (don't tell me. light.) what defines sunlight? what would sunlight be, without a comparison to the dark? would sunshine be defined as good if dark wasn't defined as bad? it makes you wonder. if one definition depends on another while the oher on the first, who's to say what's right? if there was no beginning, will there be an end? if you stare at this for a while, it'll get to you. also, check out Plato's Cave. it's cool. very. it kindof disturbs me that we're so small. fine, i'm repeating words of the ancients, but saying them still holds magic. we're so so so small... go watch this. its nice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nroo-i8t8vg
kay. gtg now. bb.
quote for today: Maybe our stars are unanimously tired...
lets believe togetther[12:39 AM]
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You know what? they're ruining their own future. they're bloody ruining their own future generations. i mean, don't they get it? by forcing us to live out our childhood in half the time it deserves and by making us do things we really don't want to, or that we simply couldn't care less about, they're making us hate it. i hate maths, for example, only because i'm forced to do piles and piles of homework, wether i like the topic or not, it's all bloody graded and worse, its got deadlines. nothing in life is done in the hundreds, has to be correct, will affect the rest of your life and is about finding the distance between two f**king points. unless your a scientist trying to find a way to save the earth from destruction by a couple of giant astroids catapaulted at us by aliens from some far off galaxy then blowing them up with atom bombs. right? it's got bloody nothing to do with life? why are we wasting time? we might as well as be learning stuff about trees and atoms and planets and stuff. that's what matters. and the ozone layer and stuff. not (a+b)^2=a^2+2ab+b^2. gah. btw, i intend to do up a new blog. maybe a bit simpler. i'm not too good at finding skins. somebody help me. okay, here's the URl. i intend to make it an interactive thing. lets see how many people out there can sign my petition on not liking maths. okay, im splitting this up. that's the public blog, ya know? the one on which i talk about school and stuff. this is more of my private life, feelings and opinions. silent-rebellious-majority.blogspot.com
lets believe togetther[11:25 PM]
it's approx the same time, the next day. i hate this. i'm so friggin lame man. i cant believe i cont'd the same post three times. anyway. continuing. :D where was I? ah yes. Noone ever mentions how the best friend feels, ya know? the thing is, fine, it has gotta hurt to stab someone you love in the back, without a choice. but have you ever wondered how it feels to trust someone, to be protecting their backs, to be proud of them like brothers, and then have the puncture a hole in your heart? well, i'd know. and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. apparently i'm healing. it's the weekend and i'm feeling slightly better over a good night's rest. i finally finished the mountain of maths homework. i was also slightly stunned to hear that the Atremis Fowl actor is short and chubby. YUCK. he had better be this bone thin hall white-as-a-sheet guy. else it'll totally ruin the effect. it can even be Draco Malfoy for gawds sake. as long as he doesn't look like a hyper actuve 10 year old. sheesh. it makes me wonder if these people even read the books before going and saying, OOOOH! lets make a picture, cuz everyone obviously loves it. ahhh, the dude in the book is ten. therefore he is short and fat. i mean, bleargh. did they force Eoin Colfer into it? i'm reasonably sure that he wouldn't agree. but maybe i'm making a big fuss over nothing. haiz. anyway. life continues. i've decided to be an intelligent perosn and sort out my thoughts. WAIT. wasn't i tell ya'll my life story? somewhere near got into gifted? who cares.
my sister is watching shark boy and lava girl. it's so friggin lame. as boring as a wait, that won't work. sheesh. well. i shall return! i wanna leave off with a quote.
today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday ~ Albert Einestein (sp?)
love you all. wait. shit. not love. no, yeuch. i don't love you. no, don't be hurt! (ducks smelly shoes and tin cans) ahhhhhhh! (runs off and attempts to hide in a hole in the ground) what was that quote again? oh yeah. (watched people over the hole) digging my own grave. as always...
lets believe togetther[5:02 AM]
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ah, yes. it's been 10-15 minutes. where was i as the littany of my life poured out? ah, ok. now i remember.
No one ever mentioned how much misery you feel when you are the best friend... i mean, it hurts to hurt someone, but you get over it. the person you hurt never does. my empty paper plates(not that them being paper have anything to do with anything)
I want to write a book. i'm gonna include a synopsis of this wanna-be book (which will probably end up on fanfiction or fiction press anyway) . It's about a girl. who really, honestly doesn't know where she's going in life. she falls in love with this guy in high-school, whom she stays in love with, even as she goes to university(with him, might i add) and makes a best buddy. whos always in the background. nothing about him ever goes unnoticed by her, but he's like her brother, whom she goes gushing to every time her crush winks at her. he, on the other hand is absolutely, totally in love with her. he's an artist(having a guy be anything else, would be lame/gay) (i happen to believe that my perfect man is a poet on a motorbike, or something along the lines) he's the sweetest thing since saccharin, only he doesn't make people as sick, and he makes you wonder if she deserves him. mwhahaha! this already sounds like a shoddy romance novel, one of the kind you find in dollar stores? yepp. i'm lame. but i'm cool, cool as a watercooler. and bored. as bored as a black board. wow. i'm so lame. haiz.
either way. (looks left, then right, then crosses the road, and gets hit by a bus)
let me tell you the story of my life.
primary school, labeled as nerd. no one liked me. speat a bloody six years of my life's recess in a corner, reading. worked butt off. got 152 in PSLE. went to crescent. made awesome buddies. became a comp addict. learned bad words. began failing. hit lucky and got into gifted. in gifted, i discovered(in NJC, by the way) that my old friends just pretended. my life. just imagine, sunny sunshine in the sky. yeuch. i hate the sun. i like rain. anyway, and i had NO friends in gifted. i fell in, (and shit, gtg. bb
lets believe togetther[6:58 AM]
My life, is so messed up. you know what, things never work out. life is so cruel. I tought i had friends. so much for that. i thought, that, ya know, maybe they actually liked me? so much for that. you know what? my life sucks. you know i went on one of my 'so-called-buddies' blogs, and you know what she'd written? that when someone said she missed me, she asked why. and then when that girl went 'huh?' she was like, 'we only hung out with her cuz nobody ought to be alone' oh gawd. i really thought that they were my best friends. fine, we had out rough times, and we had our good get-together-and-loose-your-sanity times. i thought they were my best friends. my first friends... so much for that.
On the brighter side, (small bulb flickers and goes out) if there was one (kicks the bulb) (bulb fickers on) (then off) (stands alone in the dark) ok, so i was lying. there is no bright side. i am going to be all philosophical now. life, is like erm, plates of cakes. plates covered in chocolatey and blueberry cakes. and my life (attempts to upload piccie) (fails) is like empty plates. everything i ever had has been snatched away from me, sometimes i think it's better not to have anything at all.
here's an exerpt from one of my fave authors on fanfiction.
No man has felt the true sorrow of heartache until he wears the blood of his best friend. Heartache is not just the outcome of blood. Heartache is a sorrow that is triggered by emotion. Emotion is a pain, an ache, that is triggered by any number of things. Loneliness, defeat, rejection, abandonment, fatigue, betrayal, exile, death…All of these things can cause pain, and all of them do cause pain. A deep penetrating pain that, more often than not, shatters the soul and releases bittersweet tears that were not meant to be witnessed by any other man, woman, or beast. You died, Wren, and I felt loneliness, and I felt defeat. I felt fatigue. I felt rejected and betrayed and abandoned by our almighty God for letting what happened to you happen. I felt shunned for ten years. It was pain, Wren, that brought on emotion, which brought on heartache, yet I did not wear your blood. No man has felt the true sorrow of heartache until he wears the blood of his best friend. I did not wear your blood, Wren, ergo; I did not feel the true sorrow of heartache. But what I felt, though, what I carried with me for ten years nearly was the death of me. If this was not true heartache, if this was not the full effect of how much pain God will allow us to undergo, then I do not want to know what is, nor should any other man.
She never covered the part of the best friend.
No one has ever felt true heart-ache until he's been stabbed shit. gtg. brb.
lets believe togetther[6:06 AM]
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I absolutely love that dude from Home alone 1. He's so adorable. does anybody know how the hell to put up a comment thingy? I don't know. sheesh. I'm so dead. It's like, I've been in a cave for a million years. and the only thing i care about right now is chocolate. I failed both maths. and MI. wow. i've never failed anything before... I couldn't stop crying. and my parents aren't helping either...
Ya know, i've just noticed how different NJC is from my promary school. I used to be a loner. well, i still am. and antisocial freak/loner, but now at least people talk to me. but it's not about me. today A (not gonna say the full name) fainted. and i rmbr this dude frm pri school, who fainted. and ppl pulled their bags out from under him and moved away, and left him to die (or so i thot back then) and today, our seniors(I think) or fellow IP one'rs caught him even tho they don't know him. i mean, it's like, scary... well, nice, but scary. the difference. it makes me wonder, would i have done the same? I certainly hope so...
It takes tiny things in life to make us realise who we are, and the changes that have taken place before our eyes, and we haven't even noticed. it's scary how fast days pass by, it's already March, Term 1 exams are over, disappointments, hope, and all the rest of that chestnut. it's like, where's our life going? my life, for one. i don't know if i'm even in control anymore. it's just (cliche) spiralling. I haven't made any buddies yet. i seem to sense a distinct seperation... maybe, well, most probably i did something totally gross, like spill noodles on my skirt and not notice, or spit(accidentally, of course) on someone... absolutely, ME. i mean, who else messes up life like that. i miss my buddies. my gang... cat, mars,(The 2 choir buds) venus(yepp, her real name) mel, kel(the two NP nuts) ayesh and kimmy(the two almost regular love-singing-dare-to-perform-on-stage gals). i miss them. it's like, i dpepended on them, ya know? for all those pitfalls and mountains. i haven't even had good time to read... normally that's my time, not many people can seperate me from my books (even when they run around on elephants with a hundred marching bands and a single(that's enough) maniac sister). and now, *sigh*.
Well, on a happier note, i have an uber sexy calculator! it plots my graphs for me! WOOTS! I haven't seen graph paper in ages! (well, 3 months, but that's cool) and it solves equations for me! (if i programme it right) and I CAN PLAY GAMES ON IT!!! AWESOME!!! i mean, even tho mario's a wee bit old, it works for me.
and on a not so happier note, i hate MI. well, not the teachers or anything, the subject itself. i know, i shouldn't hate anything, but IM JUST NOt FREAKING LOGICAL!! can't the world just accept that? my sister's playing neopets... yuck. i gave up neopets aaages ago...
I also discovered a new band, the Jonas Brothers. their music is hot. tho they're not. i mean, they were, but not they're not. and now i'm rhyming, yuck. AGH. i need to stop rhyming. hey! i stopped! wait. haiz. nvm.
some random dude invited me to be his MySpace buddy. he lives in the US. the scary thing is, i don't KNOW anyone from the US. so either the guy's a paedophile(sp?) or he added me be accident(well too late sucker!) or he's being random(shrugs, works for me) or he's a classmate who's exposing all my random behavior to the world on CNN. 0r something. ah well. tata for now.
lets believe togetther[3:54 AM]
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I'm so bored. I'm so bored. I'm so bored. I have nothing to do... I'm so Bored...
lets believe togetther[2:24 AM]
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LALALAAAAAA!!! I'm sooooooo bored. I just got back from Choir. I neeeeed sleep. My head aches because we're doing this dum song in suuuper high pitch, and well, you get headaches. I need to sleep. I dunno what to do. I'm an insomniac. I CANNOT sleep until I read a lot. Well, trust me to be problematic. I hate my life. And I love it. And I think I'm depressed, but I laugh a lot. Gawd, I need help. Any ideas from fellow insomniacs? Well, my PFT got postphoned by another week. YAY!!! well, this is all I can think of right now without repeting myself. Lolx. Nighties. (Well, it IS night here)
lets believe togetther[4:41 AM]
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